I did so good during the first month... but I got to admit that the past week has been really hard on me. I miss him so much. Deep down I want him back. I'd like him to find a excuse to look for me, I keep wishing he asks me to take him back, I keep finding myself ways I will answer to that.

The truth is, he is not coming back. I know it but for some reason I can`t accept it. How do you spend almost three years with somebody and suddenly turn around like the relationship meant nothing. He won`t be back and I am falling apart.

I think about him every day, all the time. I pray to be able to forget about him. I pray for strength to be able to move on and cry no more... but...

how do you finally get to forget about the man you wnated to marry? how do you forget about the man you love? how do you finally get to accept that there is no future with him... that all plans, promises, dreams you had together are gone... that they will never be. how do you get over that.

If somebody can explain this to me, if somebody can help me understand how this works, I might be able to cease my tears... and maybe... maybe be able to truly move on.

After many months of being together, again we've decided to be apart.

It didn't hurt as much as it did last year. It shouldn't hurt as much as I decided to be apart. It hurts because I came to this decision because he is still undecisive about our relationship. I feel like he is not even sure whether he loves me or not and it is so hard for him to express what he feels for me. Except when it comes to express he needs time alone.

My friend thinks we'll get back together, that he'll be back as he usually does. I am not sure. He seems happy alone and I haven't felt bad about being alone. Yes, I miss him a lot sometimes, and yes, I think about him all the time, but I do not want him back the same way I wanted him back before.

I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be with a man that can clearly tell me that he wants to be with me and wants a future with me. I feel he is not offering me this now and most likely won't in the future. We've been together for almost 3 years and this hasn't changed. It is time that I learn to be on my own and move on with my life.

Deep down I do wish he comes back and if he ever does (which I doubt) I wish things are really different. I don't want to settle for anything less than what I deserve.

I am very proud I am not calling him or crying or trying to figure out what went wrong. I used to get stuck with that before. This time is a bit different. I haven't moved on yet... it's been only over a week! but I'm not moping all over the house because of him. I'm learning to love myself and that's good.

We'll see what the future holds.

I'm going to see him tonight. We'll talk about our relationship and whether we have a future or not.

Now that I know he loves me it's harder to imagine myself without him. However, I don't think it's healthy for us to stay together if we don't get to a compromise on how we deal with things.

I'm confused and afraid of what's going to happen.

We spent the night together... again just sleeping. We didn't have sex because there are doubts. Well, we can't do it if we're not together. If we ever do it again will be because we're together and there are no doubts.

He says that he loves me. He's very disappointed by the way that I've reacted when he expresses what he feels. He's also disappointed that he's tried so hard to make me happy and I still make him feel like he's not doing anything. He doesn't know what else to do... he doesn't know if he can do anything else.

That hurts although I saw the truth in it. I gotta admit he's been wonderful to me. I've had my own troubles and I have no patience but I do love him. There are things that bug me about him but I don't know now if they are enough for me to stay apart. I just keep thinking why are we apart when we both accept the fact that we love and miss each other so much? If we both want to be togther, then why aren't we?

I don't know what our future will be. I feel confused. I don't know if the time we spent together yesterday means anything. I don't think we're back together though.

When I thought he didn't love me or when I thought he was moving on, it was easier for me to move on. Now that I know he loves me and that he misses me it's so hard. When we're together we're so happy... I wish we could have found a way to communicate better when we have arguments. We don't know how to fight... we go from one extreme to another, very happy or very sad, and neither of us want that anymore but both of us want us to be together.

I don't know what I'll do. I don't know what will be of us today... for now I'll just have to wait and see what the future holds for us... or just for me.

We went out on Sunday. It was such a beautiful day. I thought it would be weird... well, it was a little bit when I first saw him but then he looked into my eyes and I saw the man I feel in loved with.

He hugged me. It was an innocent hug. We spent some time together, talking, sharing, it felt just like before. My heart and my mind were very happy.

When he dropped me off he kissed me. It felt so good, nothing sexual. It was a loving kiss, two people who love each other but can't make the relationship work. I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I could feel his touch once again, happy to know he loves me as much as I love him. Sad to know that all that love doesn't change our current situation.

I gotta admit, I want him back but I don't know if I can do anything... or even if I should do anything.

Yesterday we talked but we ended up in a fight. I couldn't control myself and he can't understand why; it's just so hard for me.

He says he can't offer marriage. That's not what I want right now but he can't offer it in the future either. I guess this is a no-brainer. He says it's no me, it's him. I try to accept that but it's so hard to think it's him when probably he's going to be marrying somebody else in the future. It's ME. That thought made me lose it. That's what hurts. I felt like he dragged me for 2 years and he will marry somebody else. I can feel the anger going through my veins right now just like I did yesterday.

I need to forget about him. I need to move on and accept the fact this relationship can't be. We are not meant to be. Those dreams I had are not meant to be a reality with him.

Oh God, I love him so much. Why can't this relationship be? He loves me, I love him, how can that not be enough? I want to scream to the world this is not fair!