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Wow, what a night... so hard so sad, but important. I talked to her tonight first, my hopes up as usual though I knew that sad truth (and she once again confirmed it). I got out a lot of things I was feeling and basically ended by saying we can't and won't ever be friends, I just can't do it. I'll never get over this until I give up all hope, and that means I can't talk to her anymore. So after this I finally called my dad and then my mom. I broke down talking to both of them. I finally realized that if I am to get through this I need them to be there for me. The ex was the one that I talked to about my feelings before this, w/o her I have had nobody to really talk to about how I feel. Both of my parents said that they were waiting for me to finally make this move. Since they are divorced they both can relate to how I feel. So I cried and talked, they talked, and I explained that when I was sad and lonely that I would need to be able to call them now instead of my ex. I've got to learn how to take down this wall, as a guy it is so much harder getting out emotions. I can't really get into it with my roomates and friends b/c I'm a guy, we don't talk about feelings. I try to keep them inside and work them out in my head alone... but I realized this is not the right path. It is hard to accept that a person you still love does not love you back, it is such a hurtful feeling. But I have to work through these feelings if I am going to be able to move on. I was such a happy person and I loved being that way, I have to get back to being that again. I know it may take awhile, as much as I'd like to be over this tomorrow I am realistic and know it will probably take much longer. Whats not cool is that my mother just called and told me grandfather is going to die anyday. I think I have it bad, she is going to lose her father and her sister who also has terminal cancer and probably does not have a year left. My things seem so trivial when I think of them.
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